Week 3 – It’s Hard, I’m Overwhelmed

Yikes!>?  What did I get myself into???

I can’t even seem to get my thoughts assembled into any kind of arrangement so I am just going to start writing… Frustrated…trying to stay with the lessons…things were somewhat moving along in a forward direction until I went to visit my wife and then my son and his girlfriend this week…and then kaos…out of my sort-of “normal” routine… Overwhelmed…by lessons and readings and book vocabulary modifications and “sits” and DMP progressions and blog post and following others and commenting and deadlines approaching and index cards and what’s this tweet thing and how do I see other posts…I’m falling behind…how do I …..Okay stop…take a breath…     I need to compose myself. I feel like I am falling apart. My normal is not normal anymore. Is this what is supposed to be happening? I started in control, what happened? What changed? Is this happening to anyone else? I’m ready to step away…anyone else? Okay, I’m not ready to step away…I want to change…am I on the brink of change? How far away am I from change? I don’t want to continue as I was, is this part of my change? I want to change…is it going to get harder…easier…who is in control now? Am I a mess or WHAT???

This week has been a trip, figuratively and literally. I’m not sure if it is this way by design or if it is just me. I have had some realizations and some lessons, that is for sure. I am hoping to rein in the control as I am back at home, back at safe and secure, back at the old routine…for now. I’m not liking the lack of control that seemed to sneak in. I want to be aware of what is going on in both my conscious and my subconscious. I spend a lot of time working on my DMP…I am not a fan but I know now of its power. This so much reminds me of school but the information is startling. I’m pressing on, ready for change.