This week everything came crashing down on me. Things are different to me now though, I seem to have a little better understanding of what is going on with me, within me. I definitely have my work cut out for me in as far as examining every thought that crosses my mind and deciding how I will allow that thought to effect me. Between trying to stay on top of my mental diet, no negativity, and staying on top of not verbalizing any of my opinions, holy crap, no wonder things have spiraled out of control for me. On top of all that, Mark called me out on what do I really want and sent me back into deep thinking ‘sits’ and soul searching after I was not able to answer that question authentically. After posting deep seated feelings and questions into the ‘Alliance’ area of our site, many wonderful ‘brothers and sisters’ reached out to me with incredible support and help. As confused and hopeless I feel… I seem, I will not quit, I will continue my struggle to chip away at the cement layered so very thick on me because I know that there is true gold inside me somewhere. I know in my heart that I have been placed here on earth to do something amazing and for as long as I wondered what, now is the time, and for as long as it takes, I swear that I will find my true calling…somewhere, somehow. It is with the guidance of this incredible group that I am involved with now that I will find something that will illuminate my path to me. What I have learned so far about myself has amazed me. I am excited and scared as I continue on this journey. My ‘sits’ sometimes brings things into focus for me, more times they just become a swirling sensation of thoughts, feelings, and uncontrollable waves of short lived sights that make me want to scream “what is going on with me?” I am starting to really understand the importance of the ‘sits’ and I came across this video that I would love to share with you that deals with the importance of meditating…sitting.
Wow, did that ring true to you? Should you be taking time out every now and then just to try to quiet yourself and see if you can make sense of the things that are going on around you? At any point of time while you are trying to ‘sit’ or meditate, does anything become clearer to you? Have you ever had an “aha moment?” I hope this helps you as it has me.