2018 Week 07 Wow

Locked… hanging… waiting… processing… thinking …OBSERVING!!!

Thanks Joan for reaching out and acknowledging the awareness I am having of myself.  I seem to be in such a turmoil… at least internally.  The new … or future me struggling with past… trying to make it past, me.

The refusal of doing work that just simply is overwhelming me…  real or not… as much as I am in such a great turmoil… battle… fight… with myself!?  …I can’t shake the bits of red pencil that creep in and call me out… loser… never finish anything you start… it’s just refusal of the call to my greatness, is why I am not doing it… playing small… not letting your light shine… it’s all okay Rip… don’t worry about it… why are being so hard on yourself… why are you trying to become something different than you are???…. something that you are not… STOP!  Taking control back from my own negative thoughts is what I know that I need to do!!!… but… It’s so hard… so frustrating and exhausting and emotional… I just want to slip back into a deep dark hiding spot… hold out somewhere until this blows over… and things just go back to… uh NO!

What did I get myself into???  Why do I always have to try to take the hard way through everything I do?… wait… am I slipping back into pools of self-pity?  YIKES!  Awareness.  I’m not going to compare myself with others… I will only look at what I am doing well!  Where’s my green pencil?… I need a good ole boost of positivity to push me through this mindset!  Back to the war.  Battle by battle I can leap… just as the swings of my axe barely chip away at the mighty oak… something is better than nothing and going back to what I was is not an option at this point!!!  I can be what I will to be and I will to move forward…

2 thoughts on “2018 Week 07 Wow”

  1. You got this Rip!!!! You’re doing fabulous kicking that old self to the curb! “I am a new man with a new life.” Appreciate you sharing as many people may be feeling this way too!

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