2018 Week 18-Just

As I sit and think about past, present and future… I just am.

I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy!  While a part of me experiences the nagging burning flame of me becoming better than I am… another part of me just is.  I am happy.  I take the time to see what I have grown to not see, the beauty all around me, the happiness and kindness and just loving to live in the moments.

I share this because I have questions… I have always had questions… but the one in particular that has been haunting me lately is simply:    What   do   I   want?

While I came up with my DMP (Definite Major Purpose) … well I actually keep coming up with my Definite Major Purposes… but they keep evolving… as I implement an action or actions toward them and then realize that it’s not really what I want… or not really getting satisfaction from the results from the actions that I am taking as I thought I might… I keep coming back to my sit… and asking myself:   What     Do     I     Want?

Huge epiphanies have revealed themselves to me as I begin to become aware of very saddening facts about our society…  most people will not assist in their own rescue.  When confronted with what someone (I) can do for them, they would rather blow it off and justify by saying it’s just too good to be true and there must be a “catch”, rather than engaging in a life changing situation… opportunity… and change their life.  Even more evident is the microwave mentality that our society has allowed to become acceptable, the buy now pay later, take a pill and lose weight… Common sense dictates that we need to put the effort in… Do The Work!!! … nope… not the majority of our society… People say things… but then after diving down deeper… one finds that they mean the complete opposite or really didn’t think through completely what they were saying…. SQUIRREL!

I know that I am here to serve others.  Helping others fulfills me but only to the end result of those that I am helping need to step up and help themselves so that they can reap the benefits… they can experience the fruits of their (our) labor.

So lately I have been focusing my sits  on what I really want and what my future self and my future self’s schedule looks like.  I can fill my schedule with appointments and commitments… but then I wonder if I am returning to the existence that I had before letting go of Snap-On… going back onto the hamster wheel of life… just a different way to occupy my time… and do I want that???  I’m not going to lie… the last few years of my life have been pretty spectacular!!! I LOVE MY NEW FREEDOM!!!

…so do I want that to change at this point?  Do I have to answer the What Do I Want question… yet?  Naaaa  I am happy.  I can live with the irritation of knowing that I can be better than I am… for now.  I am happy.  I am just.