2016 Week10-Change

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

Yup…still struggling with that.  :-/  C’mon, gimme a break…I’ve lived that way for 50 years.  Can’t just wave my magic wand and make it change…much as I wish.  I know I need to do the work to make the change…so I am…and I am focusing on letting my light shine as a favor to my future self and to all the others that I will help by doing so.

So three weeks have gone by in a flash again!?  This past week I noticed that I am in turmoil…bad turmoil… *squirrel*…I mean good turmoil.  I can only believe that in letting go of that which I do not want anymore (in order to get what I do want) I am destroying parts of me that is creating feelings of *here come the tears*                     ………       I can’t put it into words…

Okay…composing myself…  I am flashing back to the assignment of having be the silent non-opinionated observer for the week.  I still remember the sheer horror of becoming aware of what an opinionated person I was…am…was…am…WAS…  The awareness of that was heartbreaking, to put it mildly.

I shared on our mastermind that week and so vividly remember being told congratulations… yeah!!!…. celebrate…  What???  I was dumbfounded!  What are you talking about…did you not just hear what I said???  I am an opinionated bastard!!!… NO…NOT good!…NOT celebrating…  Why are you happy about hearing what I just said, I asked.  The answer took a long time…I mean a looooong time…to penetrate into my head and for me to understand it.

It’s not the fact of what I am that is being celebrated.  It is the fact that I am now AWARE of it!  Change can only happen, it can only begin… IF you are aware of the thing that needs to be changed.  So the celebration was not about me being an opinionated non-silent observer, the celebration was about the fact that I was now aware of me being an opinionated non-silent observer and NOW I can focus on change…changing me…changing my bad habit!

Awareness Meter

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